


If I could just see you .

by dledee



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other, post 4x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-01
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-12-07 04:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/744031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dledee/pseuds/dledee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall<br/>and I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I could just see you .

Mystic Falls. Probably the last place on earth he wanted to set foot in. After all, why should he be interested in going back to a place which now held so very few happy memories? But he’d do it for her. He’d go back there, speak to Niklaus, negotiate her freedom on her behalf and then… And then only time would tell. He’d go back, he knew he had to go back to her and at least tell her that she was free. That there was nothing more to fear, nothing more to run away from. That he was no longer required as a means of survival and that it was her turn to decide where they’d go from that. That was the only thing on his mind. The only reason to be willingly driving back to that damned town. 

They had to stop. It wasn’t his choice, if it was up to him, he’d drive straight to Mystic Falls without even _considering_ to stop. Nothing was more important than getting there, than getting the answers he so desperately needed. But the car needed fuel. And, to be honest, he could use a break, even if small, from Rebekah trying to convince him she _needed_ to take the cure. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to be happy, it was that he didn’t understand how being human would make her achieve that. How living as something as frail as a human being who’d come and go, and eventually die could ever become a life she was happy with. 

Not to mention how scared he was for her. How afraid he was of losing his little sister. After a millennia… He couldn’t get used to the idea that if she took the cure, she’d become human and he’d one day lose her forever. ‘ _Always and forever_ ’. It doesn’t quite work out when you stop having forever, does it? One might call him selfish but… It wasn’t wrong to be a little selfish, to want the people you love not to ever leave you. He had lost so many through the years, just the thought that his sister would become one more of those. 

And that brought back memories of that one person he had let walk away again from him again. That one person he kept on letting walk away. _Katerina_. This was pathetic. This was… He couldn’t even decide if he was more of a fool for wanting to trust her or for letting her walk away. And no matter which one he decided on, the one thing that came back to his mind was how much he missed her. How he missed the way her eyes would light up when she smiled, the curls in her hair, the taste of her lips, the way her body fitted against his, the way she would parade around in one of those damned sweaters, and even the way they kept playing around with how she was only allowed to rip out his suits if she replaced them. 

He missed her. All of her. All those little thing that had made him happy the last few months. All those little things that had made him regret holding on to a stupid grudge for five hundred years. 

Unknowingly, his phone was on his hand. Rebekah had gone to pay for the gas and probably buy some sweets for the ride back to the stupid town he’d forever refuse to call home, and he had his phone on his hand, scrolling down to her number, more out of habit than anything else. Memories of those calls flooding through him, promising that they’d be together soon, that he would never let anything happen to her. The second part was still true. The second part had been true for over five hundred years and he no longer could bring himself to imagine a world where it wasn’t true. The other one… 

He pressed the call button. Not thinking. Not giving himself the time to judge, just… Could he just hear her voice? Please? 

The sound that came out was her voice, and yet, not. He only half registered the speech about leaving a message, he cared not for the words, only for how her voice sounded in his ears, how this version wasn’t filled with the sadness and regret he swore he had heard not that long ago. The sadness and regret he had to doubt if he wanted to keep his heart from feeling the heartbreak that could follow. He was too much of a coward, wasn’t he? Closing off any chance at happiness, just because it could hurt him in the end. 

The voice stops, and, as if on cue, he lets his own take hold of the silence. “I miss you.” A small pause, trying to keep the words from coming out of his lips. But it was useless. “I miss you already, and I hate myself for missing you. I hate that I want to believe you this badly. I hate that I can even think that you could be pulling this complicated game just so you’d get your freedom. That you’d go this far just to play me into this…” He stops, catching himself, not letting tears fall down his eyes. “But it doesn’t even matter. I am gonna do it. I am gonna get you your freedom from Klaus and then…” He closes his eyes, trying to keep the pain out of his voice, trying to not imagine the worst case scenario. “Then we’ll see where we go from there.” 

The sound calling for the end of the message doesn’t surprise him too much, nothing truly does after what had happened. “ _Press 1 to send this message_.” He waits. Not really sure what for. “ _Press 2 to delete this message_.” And that’s when his hand moves, eyes away from the phone, fixed right ahead as he presses the fitting key. As he cuts away whatever this was meant to be. “ _Your message has been deleted_.” Doubt settles in for a moment. Doubt about everything. It was pathetic, just how much of it he could feel because of her. He who was once so sure about almost everything… 

But life would never truly let him mourn forever for a love he isn’t even sure he lost. Rebekah is now back with the assortment of sweets for the road he had predicted she’d bring with her and he casts the memories of his Katerina away from his mind. Saves them in this little space reserved for all that is too painful to even be on his mind but which he cannot forget. And he actually smiles at Rebekah. He actually tries. But then he’s reminded that she wants to be human and he’ll also end up losing her soon enough. There’s really no use in trying. So instead, he makes his eyes face the road again, back to focusing in Mystic Falls and the answers it holds… 

That is all that matters. 


End file.
